John Denver Rambo

In the Rite Aid parking lot, Breanne and I were laughing at her behaviour earlier in the day when she thought someone had swiped our havahart trap. She thought it was missing from the back of the garden and took off into the bamboo thicket, spade in hand, with some harebrained intention of catching a thief. After coming up with several possible, though not plausible, possibilities, I looked in the back of the PT Cruiser and saw the trap sitting on the blue tarp, right where I'd left it.

Back at Rite Aid, we were laughing as Breanne backed up the CRV and mocked herself running into the bamboo, "I was like John Denver!"
I didn't understand the analogy. "What?"
"Wait, I meant Rambo."

That's probably the strangest slip of the tongue I've ever heard.

Kung Fu Kotzwarraism

David Carradine died two days ago. He was 72.
Carradine was famous for his role of Kwai Chang Caine on the 70s TV show Kung Fu, though most people probably recognize him from the Kill Bill movies and numerous under-produced TV karate episodes.
When his death was first announced two days ago, Bangkok papers did not release the cause of death out of respect for his family. So I figured he either killed himself or had a heart attack while sodomizing a 10-year-old Chinese boy.
Today, Thai papers released a report that Carradine was found naked hanging in a closet of a luxury suite at a swanky hotel. He had a rope tied around his neck and a rope around his genitals.
Though it's painfully obvious, Thai police and reporters are ignoring the fact that he died performing autoerotic asphyxiation, or kotzwarraism in the Far East. Authorities claim that the official cause of death won't be known for a few weeks until the autopsy is done, because everything "is still unclear." Yeah, sure.
Even Carradine's family and friends are coming out and saying they know David would never kill himself. For one, that's a stupid thing to say. Anyone is capable of killing themselves and I'm confident a vast majority of septuagenarians have considered it at one time in their 70+ years. But since they're eliminating the possibility of suicide, we're left with two options: "scarfing" or a freaky murder by some sexual avant garde artist/killer. I guess the latter is possible.
If indeed he did die of autoerotic asphyxiation, I feel bad for the guy. I think people should be able to perform whatever odd and fetishist sexual acts they want as long as they're not hurting others. The few articles I read lead me to believe he wasn't suicidal, but that's a moot hypothesis.
The manager of the Swissotel Nai Lert Park Hotel, where Carradine's body was found, said that the night before he was found he had played piano for guests in the lobby and even a flute solo. Suicides don't play the flute. He was also working on several movie projects at the time, one of which the director said "he was very excited to be working on."
He's not the first celebrity to die this way. The last one I can recall was Michael Hutchence, lead singer of INXS. In the case if Hutchence's death, it was ultimately ruled a suicide, but I don't believe that. He was found naked too, and as is often the case, someone probably "sanitized" the scene. That's the official term when friends or family members remove sex toys or drug paraphernalia before police/reporters arrive.


ADDED NOTE: Associated Press writer Michael Casey just released an article suggesting that Carradine may have died from autoerotic asphyxiation. For the record, his announcement comes 10 hours after mine.

Dazed and Confused

Just finished watching Dazed and Confused for the first time. I'm not sure what took me so long. It's likely the only movie from the famous "favorites" section at Lebanon Videostop that I hadn't seen.
I laughed. It was definitely entertaining and there were some great lines, like:
"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."
I'd heard people say that before but never knew what they were quoting. It's a disgusting thing to say but very funny. Parker Posey was great as the bitchy vengeful senior, as was the kid who played the pothead- Ron Slater. I usually hate pot jokes, references, or characters but he was a spot on pothead.
But my reason for writing about the movie is that I noticed something extremely odd about it. Nothing really happened. There was no rising action, conflict, resolution- nothing. When the movie ended I couldn't believe it. I honestly am blown away that the movie has such a high rating on IMDB (Internet Movie Database). Which is not to say I didn't like it. I definitely give it a thumbs up as I was drawn in the whole time to the characters and conversations and was happy to let my mind drift back to my days in high school- but still, nobody changed. Mitch Kramer, the freshman who tags along to the senior party at Moon Tower, I suppose he goes through some type of metamorphosis, though it's hard to say because we don't really know him at all till he's cruising around with Randy Pink and buying booze for the one black guy in the film (who incidentally can't dance or act). Then this got me thinking, maybe that was the point. Perhaps writer/director Richard Linklater is just trying to give us a glimpse of the average dazed and confused and pointless night of some high school students during the mid-70s. And though we meet them and hear them and watch them, it's all from afar, nothing too specific, just something to watch, in an act of voyeurism, the unfolding of a regular summer night for seniors. Maybe the whole decision whether to play football or not (which is never even decided!) is supposed to be the conflict.
OR maybe, he was so high he forgot to include a plot.

No no-no

Beckett had a no-no going through 6 2/3 and Curtis "Party Pooper" Granderson had to hit a single off him. What a bitch that Granderson is.

Trivia at Jimmy's

We finally won trivia at Jimmy the Greeks. Took us long enough. After joining forces with Jesse's team 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 weeks ago- who can say for sure- I thought we'd be rolling into first place every Monday. Not the case. We had a rough stretch, often not even finishing in the top 3. Well this week was different.

It began in unique fashion. Coming straight from practice, we arrived around 6:50, 10 minutes before trivia begins. Tim was the only one there, and he'd been there for 20 minutes without being served. The place was packed and heavy with customers, particularly little kids, all of whom seemed to be under and on tables. Not your typical quiet night at Jimmy's. Tim said that Mrs. Maine was standing behind me and I turned to see a heavily made up 35 yr old trying to look 20. I guess she was alright but I wouldn't have assumed she won any type of pageant. I thought it would be witty to call our team (as we change the name most every time we don't win) Mr. Maine that night, both suggestive and immature. We went with it.
We had a couple of problems fitting two teams at our table, but after moving a section from another table, we were all set. Jesse, his brother Joe, and David arrived a little after 7.
The early rounds were typical, missed a few here and there, someone always says the answer at some point but you go with something else, same old, same old. The major difference between this Monday night and most was Breanne taking charge. She normally will whisper an answer or two in my ear or sheepishly render an answer, but not this Monday. She announced several answers with authority, disagreed with the answers of others and even laid out anecdotes to back up her answers. It was all very impressive. There were a few occasions, when we didn't end up going with her answer, that she was right just the same.
It was her night.
Going into the final question, which allows you to bet all your points if you feel so bold, we were in fourth or fifth place, 30 points or so behind the leaders. The question was something along the lines of: What do bartenders say is the most common complaint they hear from patrons at the bar? Wasn't worded like that exactly, but that's the gist. And most importantly, this "poll" was taken in 2008, not 2009. We threw out all sorts of ideas: marriage, jobs, money, politics, sports, cost of beer, etc. After much debate, we went with "jobs," as regardless of the year, state of the economy, anything; people always complain about their jobs. David was adamantly behind politics being the answer, and I believe it was Joe who wanted marriage. Breanne was on fire that night so we went with her answer. Jesse had scrawled the points race down on a napkin and calculated how much we should wager. We weren't terribly confident with our answer so we bet 10 points- not enough to bury us if we were wrong.
Caleb, the trivia MC, suspensefully read off several wrong answers and climactically announced the final two: it was either Politics or Jobs. We held our breaths and bugged out our eyes and Caleb announced: "All of you who said Politics, you were...... WRONG. The final answer was Jobs." We joined in with a reserved cheer, knowing we weren't the only teams to answer correctly. There were several groans and "ah fuck it" gesticulations around the bar, but everyone waited for the final scores.
First, he announced third place, which lifted our spirits when we heard a total score that we lower than our calculated total, and then the name of the 3rd place team. Then, he announced second place and we cheered to not hear him utter our own name. We had won.
It's the first time I'd ever won trivia in a bar. I'd come in 2nd countless times at numerous bars but had never finished first. It felt good. We had our choice of first place prizes:

$40 gift card to split between the 6 of us (not even 7 bucks a person)
or
4 tickets to the Portland Sea Dogs.

Had there been four of us, I would have argued all night to keep the baseball tickets. But, everyone seemed to want the gift card and I didn't really care. For me, the biggest prize was finally finishing first at Jimmy the Greeks.

Puny like a Rose

Before I start crying about bad luck and fantasy baseball stuff that doesn't matter in the slightest bit yet exudes pathos, take a look at how awesome, on paper, my fantasy baseball team is. Keep in mind this is an AL only league with 12 teams. I didn't include everyone, just the "big" stars. After the pictures, the griping.

Do to the image size, you may have to click on them to find out who they are. Actually, that won't tell you either unless you're a baseball fan. It's, from left to right: Miguel Cabrera, Ian Kinsler, Alex Rodriguez, David Ortiz, Josh Hamilton, Grady Sizemore, J.D. Drew, Francisco Liriano, Eric Bedard, Joakim Soria, Felix Hernandez, and Kevin Slowey. I could have included Orlando Cabrera but I'm mad at him.

So, the losing streak has reached a month now. For the fourth consecutive week, Mighty Like a Rose, my team of superstars in my fantasy baseball league, The Barnstorming Union, has lost. Few sane managers would argue against my team being the strongest, but at the moment I'm slumping listlessly in a tie for 2nd place in my four team division. That puts me at 5th overall.
This week, I'm playing my brother, Manchester Torants (Torants is short for Expectorants) but I'm not confident. On Sunday, Grady Sizemore, one of my star outfielders, went on the DL (disabled list) with elbow inflammation which could require arthroscopic surgery, which would put him out for at least 2 months. And Josh Hamilton, fantasy darling and rehabilitation poster boy, went on the DL last night with a strained abdomen, and the team is presently performing an MRI to determine whether he'll need surgery to correct it. And guess how long he'd be out if surgery is indeed required? Yep, two months. Two MONTHS! That's a third of the baseball season, of which 1/3 is already gone!
Yes, I have A-Rod, Miguel Cabrera, and Ian Kinsler. And my offense is still better than that of most teams, but my pitching has struggled and my offense, due to injuries and slumping, has not been there to pick up the slack. Felix Hernandez and Francisco Liriano have combined for 1 win in the last month! Joakim Soria hasn't pitched in the majors since Cinco de Mayo and he's my only closer! Chris Ray has done nothing to get himself promoted to a closer position. At least Kevin Slowey has been great. That Slowey and Kinsler trade is looking like it may win Bo Jackson 5 (Colin) the Cavalier Lavaliere, a medal that is awarded to the team that, in the eyes of the commissioner, made the worst trade of the season. It's a shoe in if Matt Holliday (the major component of my trade offer) gets shipped to the NL at the trade deadline.
But it's a long season and injuries heal and paint fades and chainsaws rattle with flesh and cattle, so it's too early to panic. For now.

Patents

Just found this article about the earliest sound recording

Edourd blah blah de Martinville was recording shit twenty years before The Wizard of Menlo Park and nobody has heard of the guy. He gave his invention a much cooler name to: the Phonoautograph. But it just goes to show you though that it's all about being the first to get the patent.

In the famous case of Elisha Gray and Alexander Graham Bell, Bell beat her to the patent office by a few hours, literally, and is now famously known as the inventor of the telephone. It's universally accepted now that he stole the idea from Gray, but history will probably always remember Bell as the father of the phone.

Same story with Gutenberg and his moveable print (that's Johannes not Steve). He probably didn't invent the printing press, rather stole it from his apprentice who had likely stolen it from his previous mentor. History uses a lot of white out though, and if you're on a quiz show or playing trivial pursuit, you're better off going with the likes of Bell and Gutenberg, respectively.

Another example is roller shoes- how many people came up with that idea before it surfaced 10 years ago or so? I'm talking about the mini wheels on kid's shoes, not roller blades. At least I invented "The Helping Hand," and no one can deny that.

Titanic Wig

The last survivor from the Titanic, Millvina Dean, died today. She was 400 years old.

I'm willing to be that there were a few survivors that they lost track of in the wreckage that may still be alive. As advertised, the Titanic was a huge ship, and the official number of passengers aboard has been debated.

I bet she doesn't even remember being on the boat. She was two when they slammed into the iceberg. I read an AP article and it doesn't really explain how she survived. Chances are, her parents were rich and they had a boat to themselves, with leg room and seat cushions, while Leonardo DiCaprio and the other bums sank into the icy blue water.

Last Weekend in May

Stayed over at Nick and Erin Viti's last night. I met them a few weeks ago at Jesse's wedding and they came to the wiffle ball party last week. Jesse Rowe and his wife, Sarah, were up visiting too and we all went over to the Viti house in South Portland and ate burritos, listened to music and played some beirut. They have a nice house- lots of unique pieces of art and framed photos, a fireplace, and lots of good pieces of furniture. Their kitchen was particularly cool with bench seats next to a slab of mica-looking table.
Breanne was there for dinner but had to work at 7 in the morning so didn't stay terribly late. The burritos had lots of veggies in them and also sweet potato, which I didn't imagine would taste good with burrito fillings but it did.
When beirut started, instead of switching partners, I played as if Breanne were there, throwing with my left hand for myself and my right hand for her. She actually may have had a better night than me, sinking several game clinching shots. I decided not to tell them that I'm slightly ambidextrous.
We played some Wi boxing, bowling and baseball, and I read some Calvin and Hobbes comics after everyone had drifted off to sleep. I slept on a futon and had some strange dreams about Manchester Elementary and a man with a jacket made of gardening gloves but I've lost the plot of the dream.
In the morning we ate breakfast at a place up the road then played some croquet and disc golf. The course was called "Boom Field" and it was on Boom Rd. The family running it were nice- sitting in the giant doorway of the lawn barbecuing with a little blond haired boy in a Varitek shirt running around. It was 5 dollars, flat fee, which is better than what was advertised online (4 for 1 round, 8 for the day). The course was OK, not terribly challenging, but we got a good deal of walking in and only Nick found a tic on himself. He slowly pulled it off completely. I shot -4, but I didn't play very well- it had been a while since I'd gone.
Nick and Erin are game for the next wiffle party, and it sounds like Jesse is, though I'm not sure whether Sarah can make it. I think it will be a good turnout again.

Weather Stick

So I was out there yesterday, in the pouring rain, pulling bamboo stalks from the garden and it got me thinking of the weather stick that Breanne's grandmother got for me. It's sometimes called a Maine weather stick, or a Vermont weather stick, but they're all the same. It's a small switch carved from a balsam fir branch and it is extremely sensitive to moisture. Some Native American tribe used the balsam branches to determine what the weather would be like, can't remember which tribe.
Well Breanne's parents brought us the stick a few weeks ago, and the first 6 days we had it were long days of endless rain. The weather stick, in predicting rainy and moist days, points almost directly to the ground like a skinny, flaccid penis. Preceding a warmer, rainless day, the stick will stand erect and curl up towards the sky. It's nailed to the front of the house with a tiny golden nail that came with a picture framing set.
As I mentioned, Breanne's grandmother bought it for me. I barely new the lady. I met her a few times but she seemed a bit senile and the family told me she was a heavy drinker. She let us borrow her car a few months ago because her doctor told her she was unfit to drive, and a couple weeks later, she was dead. So, Breanne's uncle put the car in Breanne's name and now it's ours. A PT cruiser. I remember the day she said we could use it, we were visiting her in the hospital in Houlton. Houlton Regional. We went up to her room and chatted with her quietly for 30 minutes or so. She talked about her garden, what Breanne was doing, local happenings. We talked about President Bush for a little while, and I mentioned that he was smug. She thought I said smart, and seemed taken aback that I would consider him so. It happened in a flash and I didn't have the chance to correct her and as I mentioned, I never did.
That's what makes it so strange that she bought me a weather stick. I'm told she wasn't a very generous person with her money, at least not concerning her family. She told Breanne's parent's she thought the stick was something I'd like, and she was right, I do think it's a cool ornament, whether it predicts weather or not.
I've tried to be as friendly and involved with Breanne's grandparents as I can because I regret not knowing my own better before they passed. I think I would have liked her Grandmother- she seemed to have a lot of moxie. Breanne still has her other set of Grandparents, her dad's parents, which she's always been closest with. Meme (ma-MAY) and Pepe (pa-PAY), old French catholics.

Anyway, it's raining again; 5 days in a row this time. And the garden looks like it might just float away, with moats between the rows of plants and some Burpee seedling clumps have had all the soil washed away from them and were just sitting atop the rows like shipwrecked vessels yesterday. I replanted them, a little deeper than I had originally but it's pouring again.

On a side note, I just found out Pepe was brought to the hospital with a fever of 103, and they determined that he had pneumonia, but I guess he's OK now. He saw a guy he knew in the waiting room and when the guy left he called him a "peckerhead", which is very uncharacteristic of him.

Rain

For the third consecutive day I've gotten up with the intention of doing some morning weeding and it's been pouring. I decided that today I would go out this afternoon no matter how hard it was raining but then an absolute downpour started. A monsoon I think. Every day I wait the bamboo gains leverage on the other plants in the garden. I looked at the extended forecast and it's supposed to rain even harder tomorrow so I'll probably be going out and braving it this afternoon.

Here's another card I made that I'm particularly proud of.

Wiffle Cards

Made some wiffle ball cards with Microsoft paint. These are a few of them.

The first one is a 1990 Topps. Awesome Blacks isn't a racist name but a combination of two team names, Team Awesome and Black Velvet.

This one is a 1988 Score. I put little Stars of David in the corner instead of the traditional 5 pointed stars. Doubt anyone will notice. I kind of wish Nick Viti wasn't running in from the outfield on this one. It would make it look more like Jake was trotting home after a homer.

I like this card a lot. It's a great picture, though I'm not sure whether I connected or not. I like the strip of tiny gray wiffle balls (instead of baseballs) and I made sure to include the beer sitting behind me on the ground. Come to think of it, I think I hit a ground rule double on this swing then called timeout to walk back to the plate and get my beer.

There's another version of this card with the Black Velvet logo in the corner but I'm not happy with how it turned out. I wish these cards were real so I could give them to people.

A Strange Coincidence

When I was picking up the piano in Standish, I was looking for the screwdriver in the truck so I could lower the tailgate. It's an old truck so it has quirks like that. Well I'd forgotten that my dad leaves it in the door compartment so I reached blindly under the front seat to look for it. I immediately pulled out a tan Levi's wallet, which I had lost in college. It had all sorts of junk in it, the newest thing being a tiny paper from a funeral for a friend dated to February 2002. I also found the following: A blockbuster membership card, a credit union debit card, an old orange Bullmoose card, a tattered copy of my social security card, a ticket from a 2001 Bruins game, my ID, which expired in 2002- which tells me I lost the wallet sometime in 2002- and some senior photos. One of Breanne, Ethan (from 1990), Jen, Kate Holzinger, and Jesse Rowe. There was also a key on a keyring, it looks like the front door key to the old house in West Gardiner. The craziest part, is what was in the money pocket of the wallet. Naturally, there was no money, but there was a pink slip of paper with a to-do list on it. Write this, go here, so on, but at the bottom of the list was "Move piano down to Bre's." That was my old piano I was talking about, and I was referring to Breanne's apartment in downtown Gorham. And I happened to find it on the day I was moving a new piano for Breanne. Oddly enough, we drove by her old place in Gorham on the way back to Old Orchard with the piano in the back.

It was nice to see the old photos of Jen and Kate and I hadn't seen Breanne's senior picture in years.

The Upright arrives

Went and got the new piano on Monday morning. Ethan and Breanne and I left Gardiner around 9:30 and pulled into David and Julie Roberts's driveway around quarter to 11. We introduced ourselves and went inside to look at the piano and figure out the best way to move it. David and his oldest son soon arrived in cub scout uniforms, scarfs around their necks, and we worked on rolling the beast from the living room to the kitchen to the porch to the truck. David had to take the screen door off and it was a bit heavy getting it on to the wood ramp my dad made but eventually we had it in the truck bed. We secured it with some nylon rope and said thanks and were off. Breanne felt bad about taking the piano, you could tell the wife didn't want to get rid of it, but we experienced the same thing years ago when we had to get rid of our old piano I'd purchased from the Frink family in high school. Sometimes there's just no room for stuff.

We drove slowly and carefully from Standish through Gorham and eventually pulled onto the lawn in Old Orchard. Jesse met us at the house and helped us get the piano through the door on the front of the house that's rarely used. It was a bit of a task- we stripped some paint off the door and roughed up one of the back corners of the upright but at least we got it inside.

We treated Ethan and Jesse to italians at Shelley's and watched the Memorial Day parade from the sidewalk while we ate. Bagpipers, Shriners on mopeds, baton twirlers, antique cars, military men, a few weirdos with push lawnmowers.

It's nice to have a real piano again. It's an upright Packard, though I don't know the year yet. It's a bit ugly at the moment- looks like the Roberts family took an introductory art course in Impressionism and tried to get fancy with the paint job. The detailing on the face of it and the carvings on the legs, like the capital of a column, are a nice flourish. We're going to strip off the paint and redo it, probably something darker and simpler. We'll have to have it looked at: the D in the highest register doesn't pop back up when you hit it and a C-sharp is a bit flat.

Wiffle Ball Party

The grand opening of Jacuzzi Park was a home run. We had a good turn out, 30-35 people at one time or another, which made for lots of good games of wiff.

People started filtering in around quarter of 2, Jesse Rowe being the first arrival, and the games probably started around 2:30. We drew cards to pick the teams of four and I rolled a 20-sided dice to determine which teams would play first. The games were exciting but lasted a little longer than I'd hoped, even though I cut them down to 3 inning matches. I think it's because the teams weren't big enough. I'm thinking of making it 7 on 7 next time, which would give each team 3 outfielders, a pitcher, and 3 infielders. 2nd base is close enough to the pitching mound that an active pitcher can act as a second baseman. There are no catchers.

Ethan's team was probably the best. It was him, Jake, Erin V., and Anna. No real weakness on that team. My team was OK, but my pitching was a little wild in the first few innings. Ethan hit the first home run in Jacuzzi Park history. It was a bomb to left field, clearing the pine trees, and I was the pitcher. So now I'm another footnote in sports history. Ethan also had two or three home runs to right field when he switched sides and batted lefty, his natural side. One of Tim's friends Justin hit the first grand slam in park history, and I hit another one later that game. At one point I hit back-2-back-2-back home runs and no one even noticed. That is also a record at Jacuzzi park.

We also had some good pitching. Manda struck me out once looking, Ethan and I both collected a lot of strike outs, and JMR (Jesse Reardon) got in a pitching groove at one point. A few people complained about the size of the strike zone, which is 21"x 25". I admit that it's difficult to throw strikes as the ball is carried by the slightest breeze and the target is small. However, 21x25 is the official wiffle ball strike zone target size, and it wouldn't improve anyones pitching skills if I simply enlarged the target. The field measurements are official, and that's what makes it so hard. I'm sure we'd struggle just as much if we were throwing on an official baseball diamond. Pracitce- that's the solution.

There were several reasonable complaints about the field though. As I'd never had any games here, I didn't really know what types of problems would come up. The major discrepancy was plays at the plate. The way I designed it, you had to throw the ball and hit the target behind home plate to get a runner out at home. The target acts as a catcher, and you must throw a strike to nab the runner, just as it takes a good accurate throw to get a base runner in real baseball. Problem is, a player can be going for home, see that the ball hits the target, and then retreat to third. That's obviously not fair. So Ethan came up with the idea of a point of no return line, or I prefer line of no return, which gives us the cool little acronym, LONR or loner, so I'm calling it "The Loner line." We'll try that next time.

Other notes of interest, Jesse Rowe acted as a drunk and occasionally distracted, but definitely amusing, umpire for several of the games. There was a collision in center field between my sister and Sally. The impact shot Manda's sneaker 10 ft up in the air but she held on to the ball. Though I didn't tell anyone at the time, I injured my shoulder trying to make three plays at once. I landed on it funny and failed to throw my sister out at home and now I can't lift my arm so well. JMR hit what I believe was the first and only triple in Jacuzzi Park history. Nick Vitti made all three outs in one inning (two pop ups and a tag out) and one was an unassisted double play. Ethan remains the only person to hit a home run over the trash bag fence in right field. Tim's girlfriend Erin did two or three splits while sliding into first and second base. Ethan threw out the first and only runner at home plate. And if you couldn't tell, he was the MVP of the day. Pretty hard to argue otherwise. Though next time, we'll be keeping stats and scores and be able to pick one more accurately.

The night ended on a good note too. We all went inside and Kelly, one of Breanne's friends from work, had brought a karaoke machine. Naturally, we picked three judges to act as Simon, Paula and the black guy and had an American Idol contest. It was a lot of fun. Ethan gave some good critiques as Simon, and Greg had a lot of feedback that didn't have much to do with music. Manda butchered some songs, Jake picked some strange ones and even though he clearly out sang Manda, he failed to make the final four. Chrismike screamed through a couple tunes including the crowd pleasing Ballroom Blitz, and Jesse Rowe nailed Taking Care of Business. Manda and I made the final two but she beat me in a sing off of Sonny and Cher's I Got You, Babe.

I had an excellent time and I'd do it again next weekend if it was possible, but against my wishes, I'm going to hold off on scheduling the next wiffle party. I'm thinking of making it 6 weeks from now, one of the first weekend of July. That will give people some time to miss it and for me to improve the field and rulebook.

Finished Field

Finally finished the field, officially, at 11am this morning. Raked and weeded the warning track. Spray painted the foul lines and the batters boxes and the "fair-play" line. I also used a mini ping pong net to distinguish the Home Run level in left field. It looks great.
(phone rings)
And my brother found out he doesn't have to work this weekend so he's coming down and bringing a watermelon.
I had trouble sleeping last night- it was a lot like Christmas eve.

Also, Breanne just reminded me NOT to wear my jogging pants today. She actually referred to them as "jog-arounds," which I found hilarious even though she was trying to be serious.

cat's out of the bag

Breanne found out about the piano. I'm not sure if someone told her or she read my blog or what. She actually denied knowing what it was but I can see right through her white lies. So, it's no longer a surprise but she seems excited about having a piano in the house again. It's been 4 or 5 years since we had one- the last time being when she lived in the Cressy apartments in Gorham. Our new plan is to pick it up, together, on Monday, hopefully with some help from friends and/or family members.
Also, I finished the right field wall last night. I hit some line drives over it today, and unfortunately under it, but it looks like it home runs will be challenging to come by in a game setting, what with outfielders and pitchers actually trying to strike you out. The wiffle ball party is in two days and I'm pretty excited about it. Bought some spray paint today to draw the foul lines.

New fence in right field

I'm 27 years old so I thought tonight I'd make a right field wall for my wiffle ball field. I'm making it out of some type of trash bag material designed for covering a garden in the winter and a couple rolls of yellow duct tape and a few switches of skinny, tough bamboo. It sounds like it's going to suck but it actually looks good so far. I'm estimating that the wall will be between 3 and 3 1/2 feet tall, which will be beneficial to any left-handed hitters this Saturday at the wiffle ball party. My brother is the only lefty I know of. He should be happy when he sees the wall on Saturday.
It will still be tough to hit one out as there is a tree just to the right of 1st base, in foul territory, and it's branches hang over the field and throw a shadow in deep right. To hit a home run to right you've got to hit a line drive that goes no higher than 8 ft or so and no lower than 3 ft and it's got to travel 70 ft- no easy task. I'm betting we see a few get over the wall though.
To go with the theme of the last few blogs, not sure what Breanne will think of a trash bag wall on the lawn. I'll find out in about 20 minutes.

Community Breast

The other night at trivia I blew a Monopoly question. It's not often that we get a category dropped in our laps like that, but I just blanked. The question was, "How much do you win for coming in second place in a Beauty contest?" Were the question about anything else at all concerning the game of Monopoly, I probably would have known it. I narrowed it down to either $11 or $14, but I couldn't remember which one. I was leaning towards $11, and Jesse, one of my teammates, agreed that in my version of the game, it was $11. The problem was, we were almost certain that in the updated version of the game, it was no longer eleven. Turned out the answer was $10. I was annoyed, so when I got home, I opened up my Monopoly box and shuffled through the stack of yellow Community Chest cards (or as I called it as a kid, Community Breast) and sure enough, my card said $11.

Which got my thinking: What type of beauty contest only rewards 10 or 11 dollars for 2nd place? So I decided I would go through all the Community Chest and Chance cards and come up with some improvements.

1. You have won 2nd prize in a Beauty Contest, collect $11. I would make it at least $25. If second place only received 11 dollars, I can't imagine first place getting anymore than 30. And when I came in 2nd place at the mini golf tournament years ago, I got $25 bucks and free golf for two years. And that was just for tapping a ball around, not being beautiful.

2. Bank Error in your favor, collect $200. I love to turn over this card, but honestly it makes no sense. What bank is going to hand you $200 for something you would never even know about? If they see they made a $200 mistake, it's probably electronic anyway. Peck a few buttons, bingo.

3. A Collection has been taken up and Everyone must donate 10% of his (sic) holding to you (cash). A collection has been taken up? By whom? The picture on the card depicts a man holding an upside down bowler hat and people dropping in bills. Wouldn't happen.

4. Grand Opera Opening. Collect $50 from every player for Opening Night seats. I understand the draw of the opera. I'm sure it's very entertaining. But why does someone else have to pay for your opera seats? Because it's opening night? Why not just make it a pay $50 for Opening night opera seats instead of making a total stranger pay for your tickets.

5. Get out of Jail free card. I don't need to explain why this makes no sense.

6. Receive for Services $25. Doesn't say what type of services. It's particularly disturbing when someone turns over this card right after getting out of jail.

7. Pay Hospital $100. My only problem with this card is the picture. A nurse carrying a tray with a glass of water on it. Here's your water, now that'll be 100 dollars.

8. Go Back to Baltic Avenue. Maybe my favorite card in the game. There should be more of these. I believe there are only five: Baltic, Take a ride on the Reading, Advance to St. Charles Place, Advance to Illinois Avenue, Take a walk on the Boardwalk. More if you count the nearest utility, nearest railroad, jail, and advance to Go. I want to see an advance to Pacific Avenue. The poor dark greens.

9. You have been elected Chairman of the Board of Directors. Pay Each player $50. Whoa, slow down. You elect me chairman of the board and then make me dole out $50 to everyone in the game, whether they're on the board of directors or not? Sounds like a milk monitor. I looked up Chairman in the dictionary, just to be safe, and it says nothing about paying board members out of pocket. My favorite definition for the word was "someone employed to wheel a person in a chair."

10. Pay School tax of $150. This is one of the most costly cards in either deck. And the picture won't put you in a better mood. We see a school with a bunch of kids running around out front. If I'm paying $150 I want those kids in classroom. No more recesses.

And another thing, why do I have to pay when I land on a railroad owned by someone else? Yes, I'm in the station, but I haven't gone anywhere yet. I could understand if I was on one railroad square and rolled a 10 to get to the next one. Clearly I'd travelled by train. But I shouldn't have to pay when I land on one, not until I roll on my next turn- that's when I'm actually using the rail service.

Ross Rd Run

Went for a run today, around the Ross road loop. It's about 6.5 miles. Most of the second half of the run is on the beach, which made it particularly hard today with the hot sun overhead.
About a mile after I turned on to Ross road a green car whizzed by me and the guy in the passenger street yelled- I'm guessing in an attempt to make me jump. My first instinct was a bad one. I bent over and picked up a rock and was going to huck it at their back window. Fortunately, I composed myself in time to not let go of the rock. The car tapped it's breaks, but they didn't turn around. I then picked up the rock in case they came back for another holler, but after jogging 50 ft or so I decided it would be unwise to throw a rock at a car, regardless of how many times the passengers holler at you. I imagined them coming back, getting into a verbal altercation, and then me having to fight them off with a stick found along the road. Needless to say, nothing ended up happening as they never drove by again.
There were Caterpillars and dump trucks on the beach, removing seaweed and spinning around aimlessly. Seems like a silly job as the tide will get rid of most of it. I imagine they're preparing for this weekend, Memorial Day, because the beach and OOB will probably be packed.
There was a kid behind a wheelbarrow, wearing gloves, near the Beachfront Condotel and he said to me in a contrived and painfully deep voice, "how goes it?" I'm not sure why boys and eventually men work so hard to have these baritone, guttural voices. Most of the time it just sounds silly. I said "hi" in the highest voice I could muster.
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An update on the piano: I plan to pick it up on Friday if I can get the truck by then. I'll probably get my brother to help me if he's not busy. I told Breanne that I had a surprise for her, but the only hit I would give her was "I won't know what it is for a couple of weeks." Clearly that's not true, but I figured it would get her thinking- in the wrong direction. She begged for more hints but I didn't budge. At one point she said, "It's not anything that's going to take up a lot of space is it?"
Not a good sign.

Upright Piano

I'm getting a piano! I'm almost certain Breanne doesn't read my blog so I think it's safe to let the secret out on the web. It's sort of an early birthday present for Breanne- though I'm not entirely sure she'll be happy about it. She likes to play a lot but the front room of our house is already a little crowded with the organ, three guitars, couch, monitor heater and electric piano. I measured though- it'll fit.
It's an upright Packard, and according to the couple I'm getting it from it has good sound and only one of the keys doesn't sound right but it's in the highest register, so I wouldn't be using it much anyway.
I'm going to pick it up sometime this week and hopefully clean it and have it moved into the house without Breanne noticing. I'll have to borrow my dad's truck but I think he's up in the Forks on a fishing trip.

wiffle ball pitches

These are the 6 main pitches of wiffle ball. There are others, but they're mostly just variations of these. If you can throw all six of these pitches well, you'd be nearly unhittable. I lifted these off a web page, pictures too, but the words in red are my own.

Straight Fastball
The straight fastball is the easiest pitch to throw in the game of Wiffle®Ball. Holes should face home plate and the tips of the index and middle fingers should be placed over the top holes with the thumb on the bottom seem of the ball. The ring finger and pinky finger are together along the seem of the ball. Throwing the ball with a straight over hand motion will create the ball to go straight towards the target, even on a windy day. This grip is the same for a right handed pitcher and left handed pitcher. Do not grip the ball too tight, a nice loose grip is more effective.

I can throw this one straight- straight into the ground or straight over the hitter's head. I can throw it straight if I toss it slowly, but that's not really a fastball is it?

Curve Ball
The curve ball is the bread and butter pitch for most pitchers. Holes out for right handed pitchers. The middle finger should be placed to the left of the holes where the seem of the ball is. The index finger is spread two inches from the middle finger, like making the peace sign. The thumb is place on the bottom of the ball along the seem and should be placed in the middle of the two fingers. The ring finger and the pinky finger are together and against the center of the ball, where the trademark and patent number are. Again a loose grip is very effective. An over hand motion has the biggest curve and can be thrown accurate with some practice. This pitch breaks from right to left on right handed batters (it actually starts behind them). When thrown properly, expect a three to four foot break. Left handed pitchers grip the ball the opposite of above.
My best pitch. Mine actually breaks the opposite way that this description suggests it will. Doesn't matter. When I've got it working I can bend it 5 or 6 feet.

The Riser
The riser is harder to throw then the curve ball. The main reason being, this pitch has to be thrown side arm. The grip is holes down. The index and middle fingers are tightly together above the holes along the seem. The thumb is opposite of the index and middle fingers along the seem too. The ring finger and pinky finger are together and touching the center of the ball where the trademark and patent number is. This pitch has to be thrown side arm. When thrown properly, with a whip motion, expect the ball to rise from two to three feet. If you are throwing the ball too high, you must lower your body while in the wind up to lower the location of the ball while entering the strike zone. This pitch is very difficult to hit when thrown hard. The spin on the ball causes many hitters to foul the ball straight back. The grip is the same for both left handed and right handed pitchers. The big difference with the grip of this pitch is, hold the ball tight, a tight grip is very effective.
Can't throw this one yet. I can occasionally get the ball to rise but I think it's just by chance. Learning this pitch is not my first priority.

Screwball
The screwball is like the curve ball except the grip is the exact opposite. Holes in for the right handed pitchers. Place the index finger on the seem of the ball. The middle finger is spread two inches from the index finger, like making the peace sign. The thumb is on the seem of the ball and the ring finger and the pinky finger are together and touching the solid part of the ball. This pitch is thrown over hand and on right handed batters it breaks inside from left to right about three feet when thrown properly. A loose grip is recommended and is the most effective. This pitch is very hard to master and have control of. You must practice this pitch quite often. Left handed pitchers grip the ball opposite of the above.
Almost identical to the curve ball, this is my other go to pitch. I basically just mix back and forth between this and the curve ball, and if I get ahead on a batter, I throw some submarine junk or whatever pops into my head. It's got a much cooler name than the curve ball so I probably throw it more often.

Knuckleball
The knuckle ball. This pitch is not seen too often because it is very hard to throw accurately. The holes of the ball should be facing home plate and the fingernails of the index finger and middle finger should be dug into the ball on the seem. The thumb should be on the bottom seem of the ball and the ring finger and pinky finger should be together. This pitch is thrown over hand and will move back and forth like a knuckle ball moves in baseball. The grip is held the same way for left handed and right handed pitchers. A very tight grip is recommended to be effective. You have to practice this pitch often, it is very hard to master.
This is a great pitch. My brother can throw it well, at varying speeds. I can't throw it most of the time as there's a lot to it compared to most pitches. I'll have this one down eventually.

Sinker
The sinker is the most difficult pitch to throw and is feared by every hitter. Holes up with this pitch and place the index finger on the seem of the ball. The middle finger is spread two inches from the index finger, like making the peace sign. The thumb is on the seem of the ball and the ring finger and the pinky finger are together and touching the solid part of the ball. This pitch is thrown SIDE ARM or Three-Quarters. This pitch sinks hard on both right and left handed batters. The grip is the same for right handed and left handed pitchers. This pitch is thrown just like the screwball, but it is thrown side arm to three-quarters. This makes the sinker almost impossible to master, few Pro pitchers have this pitch in their arsenal. This pitch is very hard on a pitcher’s arm and is NOT recommended for younger pitchers to throw. A loose grip is recommended and is the most effective.

Cannot throw this yet. I've seen videos on youtube of people throwing this and it's scary- it really looks impossible to hit.

just wiffin'

Saturday, the 16th of May, my brother drove down from Farmingdale. We played a lot of wiffle. Over the past two days I probably threw 500 pitches, easy. My arm feels like it's about to fall off. Most people would probably consider throwing a wiffle ball minor stress, but the truth is it can actually be more wearisome on your arm because the ball is so much lighter and requires more torque to travel fast and far. I was throwing good screwballs and curves when the day began but by the end I was just lobbing it in there.
We did a HR derby and strike out contest and discussed the rules of play and ideas for making the field better. After he left I dragged a long stick through the fir trees and found two balls that had been lodged in the branches, so all told we only lost one ball today. It will probably turn up eventually though.
I have softball practice tomorrow at noon. I'll be rolling the ball in from the outfield if my arm doesn't loosen up. A 80% chance of thunderstorms though, so there may not be a practice.

Mo' nopoly

Played two games of Monopoly against Breanne yesterday. The first one took literally no more than half an hour as I managed to get all three orange spots and watch Breanne struggle to build on Boardwalk and Park place.
The second game took longer- she got a phone call then we went out side for a bit during a break in play- but I eventually won again. I let it linger a bit longer than I should have, really milking her dry and cutting deals to keep her in the game while I profited big time.
I ended the game with a "C" of properties, from Baltic to Marvin Gardens, all with Hotels. It was a murderous sickle for Breanne to maneuver and needless to say it didn't last long. My total value at the end of the game, including real estate, money and hotels, totalled $16,182. Pretty good when you consider there's only $15,140 in the game.

Is My Mom Nearby?

Read this hilarious article today in the Portland Press Herald. Talk about a wacky receptionist. http://pressherald.mainetoday.com/newsupdate.php?updates/bomb-threat-was-never-a-threat-at-all

My favorite piece might be the moral that the wise and deaf receptionist imparts at the end.

Animal Encounters

On Sunday morning, following the wedding of a friend, my dad lent me his havahart trap so I could catch the woodchuck that's been hanging around the garden. When I got back to Old Orchard, I put some lettuce and rotten clementines in the trap and set it up by the white tool shed, close to the spot where I originally saw the woodchuck. My dad said not to put it directly on it's path or it will just meander around the trap.

Breanne woke me up the next morning, very early, before she left for work. There was a raccoon in my trap. I tried to fall back to sleep but I couldn't stop thinking about the raccoon so I got up and went out to look at it. It was a little bigger than I expected, easily filling up half the cage. It struggled to turn away from me as I approached. It's face was shaped like a cat's, but it's eyes were sad and dark, and large, like dog's eyes.

The raccoon was terrified as I put on my gloves and leaned down towards the cage. I picked up the trap by the handle and put it in the back of the PT cruiser, on a tarp. I drove it down the road and dropped it off at a little turnaround in the woods that has a "no dumping" sign posted at the tree line. The raccoon shot off the moment it realized the cage door was open, and didn't stop running for as long as I could see it. I'm sure I'll catch a lot of cats and raccoons before I catch my woodchuck.

Later in the day, after looking at the week long forecast, I decided to mow the lawn. While I was mowing by the white shed, coincidentally on almost the exact spot where I'd set the trap, I accidentally mowed over a frog. I didn't see it till it tried to hop away. It was entirely intact other than its back left leg which splayed at the knee like string cheese, almost to a separating point, giving him an extra crease of floppy leg, like a drawn out accordion. It was hard to look at and my first instinct was to put it out of it's misery, because it could barely hop. The idea of squishing the life out of it made me sick though, and I eventually decided that it would be better for the food chain if I let it live so some predator could eat it. At least, that's how I rationalized it.

The third encounter isn't nearly as interesting. I saw a big snake on my steps today and I lifted it up with a measuring stick but it shook it's way off and slipped under the steps. It had a very tiny head, even for a snake.

I also saw several other animals today, but nothing worth writing about.

*the picture at the top is NOT my own. It's just a general picture of a havahart trap.

wiffle ball

well shit. I've been slacking with my blogs.

I guess the coolest thing I've been up to, if you want to call it cool, is making a wiffle ball field. I'm having a wiffle ball party at my house on the 23rd of May and I've been working on getting the field together for a few weeks. I've bought materials for constructing foul poles but I'm still waiting on my yellow duct tape I ordered in the mail. It should be hear in the next few days, then I can put up my 12-15 ft tall foul poles (depending on how deep I shove them into the ground).

I cut back the prickly bushes that once shredded my legs up while I attempted to make a diving catch three years ago, and put a warning track in front of what was left of the bush.

I also made a strike zone we won't need an umpire or have to argue balls and strikes. I'll probably construct a better one once I get some better lumber but it'll do in the meantime.

I ordered two dozen wiffle balls online and have accumulated 3 or 4 additional balls with the bats I've bought.

I've also been working on some pitches. I can throw the curve consistently and I can occasionally get the slider working. When I have those two moving, and throw in the fastball, I've got a fairly good arsenal.

Yeast!

Finally wrote down that bread recipe you've all been waiting for. It's called Farmhouse White Loaf. Got it out of a book.

Ingredients:
4 1/3 cups white flour
2 tablespoons butter
1 1/2 teaspoons sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/4 teaspoons rapid rising yeast
1 tablespoon milk powder
1 cup and 2 tablespoons warm water

1 Put the flour into a large bowl, add the butter and rub in with the fingertips until the mixture resembles fine breadcrumbs. Stir in the sugar, salt, yeast, and milk powder. Gradually mix in enough warm water to make a soft dough.

2 Knead well on a lightly floured surface for 5 minutes until the dough is smooth and elastic. Put the dough back into the bowl, cover loosely with oiled plastic wrap and leave in a warm place to rise for 45 minutes or until doubled in size.

3 Tip the dough out on to a lightly floured surface, knead well then put into a greased 1 lb or 2 lb loaf tin, depending on the size of the dough.

4 Cover loosely with oiled plastic wrap and leave in a warm place to rise for 30 minutes or until the dough reaches the top of the tin.

5 Remove the plastic wrap, sprinkle with flour and bake in a preheated oven, at 400 degrees, for 30 minutes. Cover loosely with foil after 15 minutes of baking.

6 Noisily devour.

Animal Control

Got a letter from the Gardiner Police Department today. Specifically, it was from the Office of the Animal Control Officer. Their records indicated that I am the owner of a dog(s) over 6 months of age, which has not been licensed. In accordance with Title 7, MRSA, 3921 & 3943, I am obligated to license my dog at the municipal clerk's office annually on or before January 31, 2009. Fortunately, the letter arrived today, on the 19th of March, 2009.

First of all, I wonder who the gumshoe is that determined I had an unregistered dog, or dogs. Apparently the Gardiner Police Department's files are so exact that their records indicate that I have either a dog or multiple dogs. Frightening perspicacity! And I don't know if it's the flu I've had recently or what, but Title 7, MRSA, 3921 & 3943 completely slipped my mind. I feel like a fool.

Regardless, I don't own a dog, and so I called up the office. I spoke to a woman on the other end of the line and told her so. She said her records indicated that I did indeed have a dog. I said, Nope, I've never had one- which isn't true, but for some reason, I said it. So she said she'd get back to me but that they might have to send someone around to investigate. And I hope they do.

Training and the Draft: Why the Army is fun

I'm trying to kick start my Olympic training. The 2009 Maine Summer Olympics are only 5 months away. I went for a jog today, about 6 miles, around a loop that included the beach. My legs felt fine- as they should have considering I hadn't used them in a month- but I was desperately out of breath at the end. I was running 6 miles on my down days in San Francisco, and it's much hillier out there. I haven't done much else in the way of training other than lifting weights. I guess that might help in the tug-of-war. I'm on the verge of getting fat, which happens every few months, but hopefully with the arrival of warm weather, I can get myself running and exercising more.
Last night was the draft for my fantasy baseball league, The Barnstorming Union. The turnout was OK, a bit better than last year. My brother drove down from Manchester to conduct his draft here- he doesn't have the internet. He brought a three-ring binder with him that had some cheat sheets in it and I think it helped because he wound up with a good team. Overall, I was satisfied with my draft. I didn't get the big closer that I wanted, but I did get four solid picks at spots 1, 14, 15, and 21, in Holliday, Bedard, O. Cabrera, and DeRosa respectively. At one point in the draft the autopilot kicked in on it's own, which prevented my drafting of Clay Buchholz, and later on I was "skipped" two rounds in a row, for reasons still unknown to me. But I can't complain, my team is looking exceptionally strong this year, lacking only perhaps in one consistent SP and a mid level reliever.
Right now I'm working on fixing that problem by moving one of my OF for a good starting pitcher.

To Do

Made a long To Do list today, and I finished everything but "lift weights." I actually finished some things today that weren't on the list. Things that I'd been putting off. A fairly productive day overall. I exchanged my new router at Target because the one I'd purchased didn't come with the installation CD. I had to get one that was 10 bucks more but I hooked it up today and it's working well. I cleaned the whole house. That ate up a lot of my day. I filled out a bunch of online applications, mostly at Maine Med. If I get any of the jobs I applied for there, I hope it's the garage attendant. I've always wanted that job. It's a lot like the toll booth job I had, I imagine, without the constant hassle of motorists and change making. Though garage attendants are almost always brutally shot in 80's action movies, I'm assuming it's safer today. But, I probably won't get the job anyway so I don't have to fret.
I made an excel-ent spreadsheet today of Scrabble scores. I tabulated averages for all the free range games (in which you have "free range" of any dictionary, word list, whatever) and challenge games I've kept track of in my Scrabble Tracker book. I only included people who have played at least 5 recorded games, which included myself, Ethan, Breb, Jesse, Manda, and Joe C. It's a good spreadsheet and I'm going to keep up with it.
I also printed off the registration forms for the Scrabble tournament, and emailed the slackers in my fantasy league.
Now I'm rearranging the house. At one time, I determined that I only performed interior decorating and rearranging when depressed. Well I don't feel depressed. In fact I feel better than I have for the last month on account of getting done at the bakery. I still have the pressure of finding another job, but it's not nearly as bad as reporting to the bakery 5 days a week in the middle of the night and trying to be nice to people I'd rather to throttle. Anyway, in preparation for the organ, which I plan to move down next week if it doesn't snow again, I'm putting all the book shelves in one room: the porch room- or as Breb and I call it, the sun room. So I'll probably be working on that into the wee hours. That's all I got.

Walgreens

on Wednesday I received 5 calls from an 877 number that I didn't recognize. I was at work all day and always leave my cell phone at home or in the car. There were no messages, so I didn't think much of it. Thursday morning, I received two calls from the same number before 7 am. Finally, the eighth time they called, third time that morning, I answered. I was half in bed, half on the floor (I sleep on a mattress).

Me: Hello?

Them: Hi, this is Walgreens. We specialize in...blah, blah, blah... (I listened to them extolling the Walgreens chain for about 30 seconds)

I hung up, turned the ringer off.

When I got up a few hours later, I had 3 more calls from the same number and a new message. I punched the buttons to get into my mailbox and sure enough the message was from Walgreens.

This time, instead of going on and on about how great their store was, they cut to the chase and told me I'd won a $30 gift certificate and they would be mailing it to me.

Well that's great, but I'm still confused.

1. Why couldn't they have just left that message the first time they called?

2. Why didn't the person I spoke to on the phone tell me that immediately?

3. Oddly, the message was left after the 10th call, and followed up by an 11th call. Why did they call again after the message?

New Job

Been doing a shitty job keeping up with my blog. I got a position as a loader at a big bakery. I've been working weird shifts, mostly 3:30am to noon at the moment, which really does a number on you. It doesn't leave me with much energy and sees me under the covers by 8 at the latest. I've got better hours this week, going in at times like 1pm, 2pm, and 4pm. I have Monday off, which will be dedicated to finding a better job. I looked for a job in San Francisco for 6 months without success, so I'm sure I can find a job in the greater Saco area in one day. No problem.

The job isn't good, but at least I'm getting some hours right now. I think I worked overtime this week (6 days out of 7) but I'm guessing there is some type of loophole that will keep me from being paid extra. Numerous employees at the bakery have encouraged me to look elsewhere for work, and not in a threatening way. From several employees I have heard (not that I needed to be told) that the job is a dead end and a bad place to work. The pay has actually decreased in the last 10 years, the benefits are awful, and the hours are inconsistent. In my case, I applied for an "on call" position, though I'm working full-time at the moment, and I'm told that if I wasn't scheduled but then called to come in, saying no is not an option. That's not really what on call means, but, what can you do. About the only good part of the job is that my friend Jesse is a supervisor there so I get to see him occasionally if I work second shift. Regardless of how bad the job is, I'm lucky to have employment. As everyone knows, the economy isn't the strongest right now, and Breanne told me that she has four female co-workers whose husbands are out of work right now. That's rough. But on the other hand, I have quite a few plans coming up in the month of March, and it would be a shame to have to cancel all of them. That's the catch. I know that work is what people do; they work then they die. Well, I don't really care for that. I'll work when I'm dead, or however that saying goes.

On a side note, last night Breanne and I went to a USM hockey game. It was the first time I'd sat through an entire USM game. I saw Ray Jean, a guy I went to high school with, and talked to him during the second period.

Gorham Scrabble Club 2/08/09

The second Sunday of February, and that spells Gorham Scrabble Club. This was my second time attending. The second Sunday of January was snowed out.
It was a much better turnout than my first appearance. 8 people all together, if you don't include an old confused looking man with a deerstalker cap on in the corner. I played my first game against Mary, though she preferred either Mary Lee or Mary Lou- I didn't catch it. She started slow and spent most of the game playing catch-up. I scored a bingo with LIZARDS and ended up beating her 393-302.
My second game was against Kassandra, the club organizer. I'd played her two months ago and beat her badly. It was closer this time around but I still got her by almost 100: 405-314. I played two bingos with HORRIBLY and FANCIES. I also played afronts, not sure if it had two f's, and she challenged it off the board.
My third game was not pretty. I played Sean, a guy in his 50's or 60's, who was clearly my superior. He beat me 477-264, but in fairness, I had the shittiest tiles this game. At one point I had three consecutive draws of only vowels. Sean also drew both blanks, all four S's, and the Z, X, Q, and J early enough in the game to not be stuck with them. I had a bingo with ESTEEMED late in the game, which isn't bad considering my tray was E T M E E E D. He played multiple words I hadn't heard of including LOX, CHEEP, CROZE, and LANAI. He had three bingos against me: MISSION, CROONING, and RAIDING. Had the letters been more evenly distributed, he still would have beaten me. It wouldn't have been such a crushing though. However, you won't always draw the best tiles and you have to make due with what you get. Needless to say, I didn't do that.
My last game was another against Kassandra. I walloped her again, this time 389-319. I had two bingos in this game too, both occurring within my first four turns. ADULATE and DATELINE, the latter landing on a triple word.
I am discovering that there is a gigantic gap between the skill level of players at the Gorham Scrabble Club. Sean, for example, has played against some of the best players in the world, including Matt Graham from the movie Word Wars, who at the moment is ranked 10th in the world. Other players would be considered kitchen table players, rarely scoring above 400 and not looking to expand their vocabularies through study and memorization. I think I'm somewhere in between, though probably a lot closer to the kitchen.

Answering

Got an answering machine. Now I can collect all those automated messages from Sally Mae, looking for Beverly. I'm sort of an answering machine right now. Sounds like something Bukowski would say. Or, "My dick is a white mamba and I'm sort of an answering machine right now." That's better.
I read The Road to Wellville in San Francisco and finally got the movie in the mail today. It was cracked, almost from the hole to the edge. The rating on IMDB is terrible but I was really hoping to watch it tonight.
More importantly, I took the biggest icicle from the eave out back and froze it, point up, on the rail of the back porch. Something Andy Goldsworthy probably did when he was 4. Just took a little snow and tap water. It looks neat. I'm hoping a blue jay will land on it tomorrow.

Mind Teaser

Breanne gave me a couple brain books for X-mas jr. The Great Book of Mind Teasers & Mind Puzzlers by George J. Summers and The Book of IQ tests by two guys named Carter and Russell. The puzzlers book I actually had as a kid. I think it was my brothers but we all used it. I remember the illustrations because they're scary. The men all look like dark apes with big brows and penetrating eyes- the artist uses lots of shading and cross-hatching.
I took one of the IQ tests this morning and it was much harder than the one I took in San Francisco. I should probably be devoting my brain to trivia for the 12-week challenge at Jimmy the Greeks' instead. We've finished 3rd and 4th so far in four weeks, so we're doing OK. Unfortunately, Breanne is going to miss the next two Mondays because of work so our best days are probably behind us.

Updyke

John Updike died two days ago. I didn't find out till today. That's what happens when you don't pay attention to the outside world. I'm surprised I even found out though- all the articles I skimmed today online were about the fucking keyboard player from Lynyrd Skynyrd dying. I can't even think of a single Skynyrd song with a keyboard in it. The guys name was Billy Powell. I hate that band anyway. They might have the best lyrics in music history though.
Here's an excerpt from Sweet Home Alabama. It was written in response to Neil Young songs like Alabama and Southern Man, which deal with racism and slavery and bible touting in the south.

Well I heard Mr. Young sing about her
Well I heard ol' Neil put her down
Well I hope Neil Young will remember
A southern man don't need him round anyhow

Wow, way to put ol' Neil in his place. And to think, Ronnie Van Zant, you died in a plane crash, in your "prime." And people think this is a good song. Jesus Christ.
My point is, John Updike died.
I told Breanne about it and she was surprised. She didn't realize he was so old. Then we talked about it for a bit and I realized she was thinking of John Irving. All confusion could have been avoided if I'd just said the keyboardist for Lynyrd Skynyrd had died.
"Not Billy Powell!"

Kristmas

Recorded two new Christmas tunes for next years KKKristmas album. One is called "Santa Claus is Real" and the other is "A Christmas Prayer." Neither one is great, but I'm getting better at using the Sessions program that came with my MIDI keyboard. I just discovered a better way to cut and paste tracks that helps the drums sound better. Because I don't like to use loops, drumming can be very difficult and even with the help of a metronome it's easy to fall out of rhythm. Now I can get a couple bars of a steady rhythm I like and cut and paste it.
And the KKK stands for Keyes Kids Kristmas, so, don't get your stockings in a bunch.

snow

Just finished shoveling the driveway and the back porch. It was the heaviest snow that I've ever tried to move. The driveway took me twice as long as it should have and my back feels like my neck and anus are using my spine for tug-of-war. Garden burger time!

Scrabble Club

I abdicated my post as president of the OOBSC (Old Orchard Beach Scrabble Club) yesterday after another fruitless "meeting." Nobody showed up until Jesse did around 8. We were supposed to start at 4. Didn't even get any calls or anything. Breanne ended up bringing Joe T. back from Portland with her so we got some good games in from about 9 to midnight. We ordered pizza from Papa John's and it made Breanne sick. It made me nauseated too but I didn't barf like her. I was reminded why we don't get pizza from places like that.
Maybe if I meet more people that like scrabble I'll try again some time.

The Man from Earth (2007)

I watched a great movie called The Man from Earth tonight. It was about this guy who was born a caveman and has been alive for thousands of years and decides, for the first time ever, to tell his friends his secret. The whole movie is just a long conversation and intervention in the main character's living room. The acting and editing is shit as the film probably had a tiny budget but it was a great story. If you have netflix it's a watch instantly film.

Xmas Jr.

Christmas Jr. was last weekend. Got some great gifts.
-Harry Smith American Folk collection. Been wanting this for years. It's a 6-CD set of music from the early-middle 20th century, in the folk tradition.
-Some records including Kenny Loggins Live. This goes well with my new record player. It's real nice and I've been using almost constantly since I got it. I listened to a lot of the Boss yesterday. The player also has a USB port so I can export songs from Vinyl on to the computer.
-some other CDs and some books. A Randy Newman piano book, Karlology (which I've been wanting for months but didn't buy because I was fairly certain someone would buy it for me for XmasJr. Confessions of a Yakuza, The Michael Palin Diaries. My brother got me a CD by Vampire Weekend, which I like a lot, and a Dylan Bootleg which has a lot of tunes I've never even heard.
-Greg got me some rubber shoelaces and a giant plastic Hershey's kiss that plays "Kiss is on my list" by Hall & Oates when you open it.
-Manda got me a tiny head lamp that is much better than the one I own. It's has 5 or 6 settings and the beams are extremely bright.
-I also received a chess clock for playing scrabble. I've used that a few times as well.
-And a hula hoop, which I pick up every 10 seconds or so. I've mastered the neck to torso move but I have yet to perform the torso to neck move successfully. I watched a video of a woman doing it on youtube and it doesn't look all that hard.
-And I got a harmonica and neck piece for holding it. The harmonica is in E so I can play along to Blood on the Tracks. I got the very same thing for Ethan for the very same reason.

Julius R.

Had a question about Julius Rosenberg at trivia on Monday night and I actually got it wrong. Actually probably isn't a necessary word as I don't know much about the Rosenbergs in all honesty. The question pertained to their method of execution. I guessed hanging because I knew the criminals in the Holcomb, KS, murder were tried and hanged sometime around the same time. I was wrong, it was death by electric chair.

Soloman Brothers

Couldn't sleep so I watched The Soloman Brothers on Netflix, the watch instantly promotion. Maybe I was overtired but this movie had me laughing out loud. It was written by Bob Odenkirk and it was evident from scene one. I give it 3.5 stars out of 5. The scenes where they trained to become better fathers were probably the best.

Jump tab

This is a tab I arranged for "Jump" by Van Halen. It's not difficult to play. I haven't completed the solo yet, and I may never. I've been working on a harmonica version of the solo, simplified, but it's still beyond my mouth harp skills. So for the time being, I just hum the instrumental break over the chords.

Anticipation

I think Carly Simon said it best in her hit song Anticipation. She said, "anticipation." That's what I'm feeling for the 2009 Red Sox season. I know it's months away and we still have the World Baseball classic and hours of game construction for what was previous titled Big League Manager, but that's for a different blog. This one is about the 2009 Sox.

Acquisitions. Lots of them recently, though not the type of blockbusters you'd expect from the Sox after the las few off seasons (though last season was quiet, it was also directly following a World series sweep). The Yankees, meanwhile, have gone absolute bonkers in their winter dealings. A.J. Burnett, C.C. Sabathia, Mark Texiera, Nick Swisher. The Red Sox in turn have picked up John Smoltz, Brad Penny, Rocco Baldelli, and Takashi Saito. Yes, there are others, and yes that's not all the Yankees have done this winter, but let's keep to the big names for the moment.

1. A.J Burnett vs Brad Penny. Both began there careers in Florida with the Marlins. Both pitchers are around 30, Burnett a year older. ERA and WHIP very similar. Burnett racks up more strikeouts but Penny has a better winning percentage, having three seasons with 14 wins or more, while Burnett has only one. Burnett has a very good season in '08 while Penny had shoulder problems the whole year that grossly inflated his numbers. Burnett signs for 5 years at $83 million while Penny gets a one year deal for $5 million. Theo Epstein would never have signed a 32 year old injury prone pitcher, with only 10 more wins than losses over the course of his career, to a 5 year deal.

2. C.C. Sabathia vs. Smoltz and Saito. Granted, this isn't a fair comparison. We're comparing a Cy Young winning, NL-eating demon of fat with an a likely HOFer in his twilight and a closer with an '08 arm injury. C.C. Sabathia is awesome. There's no dispelling that. He's also gargantuan and has never pitched a whole season in a joint like Yankee stadium. The pressure gets to people. And we've all seen what pressure has done to CC (I forgot that he removed the dots officially last year). I've heard him compared to David Wells, and people point out how well he did in the Bronx. Yeah, well Wells relied on a sand wedge curve ball and had a nice easy fat rolling delivery. Sabathia unravels and his arms explodes across his torso, putting his necklace in orbit and everything else. Basically, he has a weight problem. My CC Sabathia Indians cup places him at 290 lbs. Please. He is a triple-pounder, with cheese, easily. Even so, were I Cashman and company, I would have signed Sabathia in a flash. I wouldn't have signed him for 7 years (!) at 161 million. The only pitcher in the majors I'd sign to a deal of 6 years or more is JohanSantana and it's too late for that. So on to Smoltz. Incredible career. He can close, start, spot start-anything. He's coming off an injury plagued year but the Sox got him for 5.5 mil. This one is iffy, but I hope it works out. Then there's Saito, which in my opinion is the biggest steal of the off season. Saito has a career ERA of 1.95, which was "ballooned" by last seasons 2.49. He can still throw in the mid-90's and he's cool as a cucumber. If Papelbon goes down at all next year, the Sox have a bonafide All-star as a set-up man and part-time closer. Again, a one-year deal for $5 million, and I am going to guess that Saito gets 10 saves next year and has an ERA around 2.

3. Mark Teixiera. I put Mark on his own because he's incomparable. Since he came up in '03 with Texas I have been calling him an infield Mickey Mantle. For fielding and switch-hitting power in one package, he has no equal. The Yankees paid a shit load to get him ($180 million over 8 years) but he will probably be worth it. In my lifetime I can't think of a scarier combination than A-Rod and Teixiera. That being said, it is dangerous to sign a player to a deal of that caliber. You better be damn sure he's the player you think he is. Hopefully, for the sake of the Yanks, he is. I think he is. The Sox did a great job driving up his price tag though. Was anyone actually surprised that he went to the Yanks?

4. Swisher vs. Baldelli. I'm tired and I need to eat breakfast. Swisher will probably be traded before the season starts and who the hell knows what they're getting with Rocco. He's still only 27 and at his last physical, doctors were confident that Rocco can take medication to successfully combat his weird mitochondrial disease. Wouldn't that be a great story if Baldelli became a hometown (grew up 50 miles from Fenway) hero for the Sox?