Community Breast

The other night at trivia I blew a Monopoly question. It's not often that we get a category dropped in our laps like that, but I just blanked. The question was, "How much do you win for coming in second place in a Beauty contest?" Were the question about anything else at all concerning the game of Monopoly, I probably would have known it. I narrowed it down to either $11 or $14, but I couldn't remember which one. I was leaning towards $11, and Jesse, one of my teammates, agreed that in my version of the game, it was $11. The problem was, we were almost certain that in the updated version of the game, it was no longer eleven. Turned out the answer was $10. I was annoyed, so when I got home, I opened up my Monopoly box and shuffled through the stack of yellow Community Chest cards (or as I called it as a kid, Community Breast) and sure enough, my card said $11.

Which got my thinking: What type of beauty contest only rewards 10 or 11 dollars for 2nd place? So I decided I would go through all the Community Chest and Chance cards and come up with some improvements.

1. You have won 2nd prize in a Beauty Contest, collect $11. I would make it at least $25. If second place only received 11 dollars, I can't imagine first place getting anymore than 30. And when I came in 2nd place at the mini golf tournament years ago, I got $25 bucks and free golf for two years. And that was just for tapping a ball around, not being beautiful.

2. Bank Error in your favor, collect $200. I love to turn over this card, but honestly it makes no sense. What bank is going to hand you $200 for something you would never even know about? If they see they made a $200 mistake, it's probably electronic anyway. Peck a few buttons, bingo.

3. A Collection has been taken up and Everyone must donate 10% of his (sic) holding to you (cash). A collection has been taken up? By whom? The picture on the card depicts a man holding an upside down bowler hat and people dropping in bills. Wouldn't happen.

4. Grand Opera Opening. Collect $50 from every player for Opening Night seats. I understand the draw of the opera. I'm sure it's very entertaining. But why does someone else have to pay for your opera seats? Because it's opening night? Why not just make it a pay $50 for Opening night opera seats instead of making a total stranger pay for your tickets.

5. Get out of Jail free card. I don't need to explain why this makes no sense.

6. Receive for Services $25. Doesn't say what type of services. It's particularly disturbing when someone turns over this card right after getting out of jail.

7. Pay Hospital $100. My only problem with this card is the picture. A nurse carrying a tray with a glass of water on it. Here's your water, now that'll be 100 dollars.

8. Go Back to Baltic Avenue. Maybe my favorite card in the game. There should be more of these. I believe there are only five: Baltic, Take a ride on the Reading, Advance to St. Charles Place, Advance to Illinois Avenue, Take a walk on the Boardwalk. More if you count the nearest utility, nearest railroad, jail, and advance to Go. I want to see an advance to Pacific Avenue. The poor dark greens.

9. You have been elected Chairman of the Board of Directors. Pay Each player $50. Whoa, slow down. You elect me chairman of the board and then make me dole out $50 to everyone in the game, whether they're on the board of directors or not? Sounds like a milk monitor. I looked up Chairman in the dictionary, just to be safe, and it says nothing about paying board members out of pocket. My favorite definition for the word was "someone employed to wheel a person in a chair."

10. Pay School tax of $150. This is one of the most costly cards in either deck. And the picture won't put you in a better mood. We see a school with a bunch of kids running around out front. If I'm paying $150 I want those kids in classroom. No more recesses.

And another thing, why do I have to pay when I land on a railroad owned by someone else? Yes, I'm in the station, but I haven't gone anywhere yet. I could understand if I was on one railroad square and rolled a 10 to get to the next one. Clearly I'd travelled by train. But I shouldn't have to pay when I land on one, not until I roll on my next turn- that's when I'm actually using the rail service.

Ross Rd Run

Went for a run today, around the Ross road loop. It's about 6.5 miles. Most of the second half of the run is on the beach, which made it particularly hard today with the hot sun overhead.
About a mile after I turned on to Ross road a green car whizzed by me and the guy in the passenger street yelled- I'm guessing in an attempt to make me jump. My first instinct was a bad one. I bent over and picked up a rock and was going to huck it at their back window. Fortunately, I composed myself in time to not let go of the rock. The car tapped it's breaks, but they didn't turn around. I then picked up the rock in case they came back for another holler, but after jogging 50 ft or so I decided it would be unwise to throw a rock at a car, regardless of how many times the passengers holler at you. I imagined them coming back, getting into a verbal altercation, and then me having to fight them off with a stick found along the road. Needless to say, nothing ended up happening as they never drove by again.
There were Caterpillars and dump trucks on the beach, removing seaweed and spinning around aimlessly. Seems like a silly job as the tide will get rid of most of it. I imagine they're preparing for this weekend, Memorial Day, because the beach and OOB will probably be packed.
There was a kid behind a wheelbarrow, wearing gloves, near the Beachfront Condotel and he said to me in a contrived and painfully deep voice, "how goes it?" I'm not sure why boys and eventually men work so hard to have these baritone, guttural voices. Most of the time it just sounds silly. I said "hi" in the highest voice I could muster.
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An update on the piano: I plan to pick it up on Friday if I can get the truck by then. I'll probably get my brother to help me if he's not busy. I told Breanne that I had a surprise for her, but the only hit I would give her was "I won't know what it is for a couple of weeks." Clearly that's not true, but I figured it would get her thinking- in the wrong direction. She begged for more hints but I didn't budge. At one point she said, "It's not anything that's going to take up a lot of space is it?"
Not a good sign.

Upright Piano

I'm getting a piano! I'm almost certain Breanne doesn't read my blog so I think it's safe to let the secret out on the web. It's sort of an early birthday present for Breanne- though I'm not entirely sure she'll be happy about it. She likes to play a lot but the front room of our house is already a little crowded with the organ, three guitars, couch, monitor heater and electric piano. I measured though- it'll fit.
It's an upright Packard, and according to the couple I'm getting it from it has good sound and only one of the keys doesn't sound right but it's in the highest register, so I wouldn't be using it much anyway.
I'm going to pick it up sometime this week and hopefully clean it and have it moved into the house without Breanne noticing. I'll have to borrow my dad's truck but I think he's up in the Forks on a fishing trip.

wiffle ball pitches

These are the 6 main pitches of wiffle ball. There are others, but they're mostly just variations of these. If you can throw all six of these pitches well, you'd be nearly unhittable. I lifted these off a web page, pictures too, but the words in red are my own.

Straight Fastball
The straight fastball is the easiest pitch to throw in the game of Wiffle®Ball. Holes should face home plate and the tips of the index and middle fingers should be placed over the top holes with the thumb on the bottom seem of the ball. The ring finger and pinky finger are together along the seem of the ball. Throwing the ball with a straight over hand motion will create the ball to go straight towards the target, even on a windy day. This grip is the same for a right handed pitcher and left handed pitcher. Do not grip the ball too tight, a nice loose grip is more effective.

I can throw this one straight- straight into the ground or straight over the hitter's head. I can throw it straight if I toss it slowly, but that's not really a fastball is it?

Curve Ball
The curve ball is the bread and butter pitch for most pitchers. Holes out for right handed pitchers. The middle finger should be placed to the left of the holes where the seem of the ball is. The index finger is spread two inches from the middle finger, like making the peace sign. The thumb is place on the bottom of the ball along the seem and should be placed in the middle of the two fingers. The ring finger and the pinky finger are together and against the center of the ball, where the trademark and patent number are. Again a loose grip is very effective. An over hand motion has the biggest curve and can be thrown accurate with some practice. This pitch breaks from right to left on right handed batters (it actually starts behind them). When thrown properly, expect a three to four foot break. Left handed pitchers grip the ball the opposite of above.
My best pitch. Mine actually breaks the opposite way that this description suggests it will. Doesn't matter. When I've got it working I can bend it 5 or 6 feet.

The Riser
The riser is harder to throw then the curve ball. The main reason being, this pitch has to be thrown side arm. The grip is holes down. The index and middle fingers are tightly together above the holes along the seem. The thumb is opposite of the index and middle fingers along the seem too. The ring finger and pinky finger are together and touching the center of the ball where the trademark and patent number is. This pitch has to be thrown side arm. When thrown properly, with a whip motion, expect the ball to rise from two to three feet. If you are throwing the ball too high, you must lower your body while in the wind up to lower the location of the ball while entering the strike zone. This pitch is very difficult to hit when thrown hard. The spin on the ball causes many hitters to foul the ball straight back. The grip is the same for both left handed and right handed pitchers. The big difference with the grip of this pitch is, hold the ball tight, a tight grip is very effective.
Can't throw this one yet. I can occasionally get the ball to rise but I think it's just by chance. Learning this pitch is not my first priority.

Screwball
The screwball is like the curve ball except the grip is the exact opposite. Holes in for the right handed pitchers. Place the index finger on the seem of the ball. The middle finger is spread two inches from the index finger, like making the peace sign. The thumb is on the seem of the ball and the ring finger and the pinky finger are together and touching the solid part of the ball. This pitch is thrown over hand and on right handed batters it breaks inside from left to right about three feet when thrown properly. A loose grip is recommended and is the most effective. This pitch is very hard to master and have control of. You must practice this pitch quite often. Left handed pitchers grip the ball opposite of the above.
Almost identical to the curve ball, this is my other go to pitch. I basically just mix back and forth between this and the curve ball, and if I get ahead on a batter, I throw some submarine junk or whatever pops into my head. It's got a much cooler name than the curve ball so I probably throw it more often.

Knuckleball
The knuckle ball. This pitch is not seen too often because it is very hard to throw accurately. The holes of the ball should be facing home plate and the fingernails of the index finger and middle finger should be dug into the ball on the seem. The thumb should be on the bottom seem of the ball and the ring finger and pinky finger should be together. This pitch is thrown over hand and will move back and forth like a knuckle ball moves in baseball. The grip is held the same way for left handed and right handed pitchers. A very tight grip is recommended to be effective. You have to practice this pitch often, it is very hard to master.
This is a great pitch. My brother can throw it well, at varying speeds. I can't throw it most of the time as there's a lot to it compared to most pitches. I'll have this one down eventually.

Sinker
The sinker is the most difficult pitch to throw and is feared by every hitter. Holes up with this pitch and place the index finger on the seem of the ball. The middle finger is spread two inches from the index finger, like making the peace sign. The thumb is on the seem of the ball and the ring finger and the pinky finger are together and touching the solid part of the ball. This pitch is thrown SIDE ARM or Three-Quarters. This pitch sinks hard on both right and left handed batters. The grip is the same for right handed and left handed pitchers. This pitch is thrown just like the screwball, but it is thrown side arm to three-quarters. This makes the sinker almost impossible to master, few Pro pitchers have this pitch in their arsenal. This pitch is very hard on a pitcher’s arm and is NOT recommended for younger pitchers to throw. A loose grip is recommended and is the most effective.

Cannot throw this yet. I've seen videos on youtube of people throwing this and it's scary- it really looks impossible to hit.

just wiffin'

Saturday, the 16th of May, my brother drove down from Farmingdale. We played a lot of wiffle. Over the past two days I probably threw 500 pitches, easy. My arm feels like it's about to fall off. Most people would probably consider throwing a wiffle ball minor stress, but the truth is it can actually be more wearisome on your arm because the ball is so much lighter and requires more torque to travel fast and far. I was throwing good screwballs and curves when the day began but by the end I was just lobbing it in there.
We did a HR derby and strike out contest and discussed the rules of play and ideas for making the field better. After he left I dragged a long stick through the fir trees and found two balls that had been lodged in the branches, so all told we only lost one ball today. It will probably turn up eventually though.
I have softball practice tomorrow at noon. I'll be rolling the ball in from the outfield if my arm doesn't loosen up. A 80% chance of thunderstorms though, so there may not be a practice.

Mo' nopoly

Played two games of Monopoly against Breanne yesterday. The first one took literally no more than half an hour as I managed to get all three orange spots and watch Breanne struggle to build on Boardwalk and Park place.
The second game took longer- she got a phone call then we went out side for a bit during a break in play- but I eventually won again. I let it linger a bit longer than I should have, really milking her dry and cutting deals to keep her in the game while I profited big time.
I ended the game with a "C" of properties, from Baltic to Marvin Gardens, all with Hotels. It was a murderous sickle for Breanne to maneuver and needless to say it didn't last long. My total value at the end of the game, including real estate, money and hotels, totalled $16,182. Pretty good when you consider there's only $15,140 in the game.

Is My Mom Nearby?

Read this hilarious article today in the Portland Press Herald. Talk about a wacky receptionist. http://pressherald.mainetoday.com/newsupdate.php?updates/bomb-threat-was-never-a-threat-at-all

My favorite piece might be the moral that the wise and deaf receptionist imparts at the end.

Animal Encounters

On Sunday morning, following the wedding of a friend, my dad lent me his havahart trap so I could catch the woodchuck that's been hanging around the garden. When I got back to Old Orchard, I put some lettuce and rotten clementines in the trap and set it up by the white tool shed, close to the spot where I originally saw the woodchuck. My dad said not to put it directly on it's path or it will just meander around the trap.

Breanne woke me up the next morning, very early, before she left for work. There was a raccoon in my trap. I tried to fall back to sleep but I couldn't stop thinking about the raccoon so I got up and went out to look at it. It was a little bigger than I expected, easily filling up half the cage. It struggled to turn away from me as I approached. It's face was shaped like a cat's, but it's eyes were sad and dark, and large, like dog's eyes.

The raccoon was terrified as I put on my gloves and leaned down towards the cage. I picked up the trap by the handle and put it in the back of the PT cruiser, on a tarp. I drove it down the road and dropped it off at a little turnaround in the woods that has a "no dumping" sign posted at the tree line. The raccoon shot off the moment it realized the cage door was open, and didn't stop running for as long as I could see it. I'm sure I'll catch a lot of cats and raccoons before I catch my woodchuck.

Later in the day, after looking at the week long forecast, I decided to mow the lawn. While I was mowing by the white shed, coincidentally on almost the exact spot where I'd set the trap, I accidentally mowed over a frog. I didn't see it till it tried to hop away. It was entirely intact other than its back left leg which splayed at the knee like string cheese, almost to a separating point, giving him an extra crease of floppy leg, like a drawn out accordion. It was hard to look at and my first instinct was to put it out of it's misery, because it could barely hop. The idea of squishing the life out of it made me sick though, and I eventually decided that it would be better for the food chain if I let it live so some predator could eat it. At least, that's how I rationalized it.

The third encounter isn't nearly as interesting. I saw a big snake on my steps today and I lifted it up with a measuring stick but it shook it's way off and slipped under the steps. It had a very tiny head, even for a snake.

I also saw several other animals today, but nothing worth writing about.

*the picture at the top is NOT my own. It's just a general picture of a havahart trap.

wiffle ball

well shit. I've been slacking with my blogs.

I guess the coolest thing I've been up to, if you want to call it cool, is making a wiffle ball field. I'm having a wiffle ball party at my house on the 23rd of May and I've been working on getting the field together for a few weeks. I've bought materials for constructing foul poles but I'm still waiting on my yellow duct tape I ordered in the mail. It should be hear in the next few days, then I can put up my 12-15 ft tall foul poles (depending on how deep I shove them into the ground).

I cut back the prickly bushes that once shredded my legs up while I attempted to make a diving catch three years ago, and put a warning track in front of what was left of the bush.

I also made a strike zone we won't need an umpire or have to argue balls and strikes. I'll probably construct a better one once I get some better lumber but it'll do in the meantime.

I ordered two dozen wiffle balls online and have accumulated 3 or 4 additional balls with the bats I've bought.

I've also been working on some pitches. I can throw the curve consistently and I can occasionally get the slider working. When I have those two moving, and throw in the fastball, I've got a fairly good arsenal.

Yeast!

Finally wrote down that bread recipe you've all been waiting for. It's called Farmhouse White Loaf. Got it out of a book.

Ingredients:
4 1/3 cups white flour
2 tablespoons butter
1 1/2 teaspoons sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/4 teaspoons rapid rising yeast
1 tablespoon milk powder
1 cup and 2 tablespoons warm water

1 Put the flour into a large bowl, add the butter and rub in with the fingertips until the mixture resembles fine breadcrumbs. Stir in the sugar, salt, yeast, and milk powder. Gradually mix in enough warm water to make a soft dough.

2 Knead well on a lightly floured surface for 5 minutes until the dough is smooth and elastic. Put the dough back into the bowl, cover loosely with oiled plastic wrap and leave in a warm place to rise for 45 minutes or until doubled in size.

3 Tip the dough out on to a lightly floured surface, knead well then put into a greased 1 lb or 2 lb loaf tin, depending on the size of the dough.

4 Cover loosely with oiled plastic wrap and leave in a warm place to rise for 30 minutes or until the dough reaches the top of the tin.

5 Remove the plastic wrap, sprinkle with flour and bake in a preheated oven, at 400 degrees, for 30 minutes. Cover loosely with foil after 15 minutes of baking.

6 Noisily devour.